I've got a cold sore and it makes me remmember that I was raped by a former boyfriend. I'm not really sure if it's a cold sore but I think so.but I'm sure I offered me my current underweight. It's been his own fault if i'm only weighing 89lbs. I had almost stopped eating naturally and lost over 10 lbs. I hadn't realized that I had been raped. I unconsciously denied the reality and the day i realized that it had happened to me I had been wasting my health for many months by snorting and injecting Subutex, by often fasting.
I was hurt by the reality. I couldn't realize that I had been raped. What's more i wish I had been able to refuse to have sex with him but I hadn't been and I felt guilty about it. I try to find consolation by saying myself that it wasn't my fault at all and that I was in the thrall of him and he manipulated me into accepting to have sex.
Now i'm living with that sad event of my past. He took the virginity of me but I'm still feeling virgin.
Since my rape I've gone out with another guy but I hadn't sex with him. Sex was the only thing he wanted from me anyway. Therefore he left me after we had seen twice at his home.I'm thin and toned and all the boys want to go out with me just because they think that I had a beautiful body. It's the flipside of the coin. Nevertheless as I was losing weight, I didn't want to be prettier. i wanted to made me out a new body as I could have erased in the same time, the fact that i had been raped. New body = new person. And this new person was never been raped. bit I cannot do away with my body and I cannot do my body over again. Somedays, I'd like to born over again with a new brand pure body...
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